Welcome to our guide on the long-forgotten and mystical art of cunnilingus.
Actually, it’s not long-forgotten, and it’s not all that mystical. It’s just that most people don’t know how to do it.
The result? Most women are NOT satisfied when they receive cunnilingus.
Men and women are often ill-informed on performing the tongue tango, and it’s not their fault. After all, many of us gained our vast vag knowledge from:
- Porn
- Friends’ experiences (who learned from porn)
- Past sexual encounters
None of these are great. Of course, learning from your partner is the best of the bunch, but even that can lead you astray if they were insecure or nervous about giving you negative feedback.
Improving your downtown game isn’t difficult. We interviewed women (gay and straight) and intimacy coaches to find out what really works.
With their advice, you’ll be able to bring her to the promised land and enjoy more closeness in your relationship.
We’ll even toss in some spicy tips on how to take her pleasure to new heights using your fingers, toys, and more.
Mastering the Art of Cunnilingus: Step-by-Step Guide
1. Pregame: Treat her like you want it
Foreplay is super important. But this is not it. It is like warming up before the game. But before that, you have to let her know you want to play.
Certain women can feel uncomfortable receiving oral sex.
She may be insecure about the appearance of her genitals, her scent or taste, or even having the focus all on her—women can often feel undeserving of the act of oral sex.
Your job is to make her feel appreciated and desired.
Remember that if a woman feels uncomfortable or insecure during oral sex, she may have more trouble reaching orgasm.
Make it clear to her that you will savor every minute of the experience and that you are as turned on as she is.
2. Foreplay: The Warm-up
You need to engage in foreplay BEFORE going down on her.
If you treat cunnilingus as foreplay itself, your partner might not feel ready, which can be awkward. Also, it’ll take a lot longer to get her to where she wants to be.
On average, women take 20 minutes to reach orgasm. Include some foreplay, and your jaw will thank you! Take your time kissing, hugging, and touching your partner, making sure she is aroused.
For heightened arousal, try adding a touch of tingling arousal lubricant gel to her clitoris and massaging slowly. Or, have her apply it and caress her while she pleasures herself.
Wet WOW "Max O" Clitoral Arousal Gel
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Several women recommended Sliquid "O Gel" to help stimulate the clitoris. The tingle-inducing lubricant will have her moaning from cloud 9 as she climbs toward the big O.
3. Go Down Slowly
Her vagina is not a swimming pool, so don’t dive in headfirst.
Tantalize her with slow movements, sexy kisses, and stimulating touches all over her body. This will have her moaning with anticipation long before you reach your destination.
Start with her neck and move your way down her body to her breasts, hips, pubic mound, and inner thighs.
Before you contact her vagina, give her more teases by lightly kissing it or blowing on it. Then, skip it altogether, move down the legs to the toes, and finally back up again before starting the activity.
Be careful around those legs. By now, she might be so turned on that she’ll try to wrap them around you and pull you in!
Taking it slow is also a great way to show her how much you adore her body. The more comfortable she feels when you go down on her, the more pleasure she’ll get from experience.
4. Be Gentle
Porn teaches us that vaginas should be treated like 80s hair metal bands treat their guitars.
But remember that the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and is extremely sensitive. So if you stimulate it too much, she will feel uncomfortable and can even start to feel numb.
This is actually the biggest complaint women have about oral sex, according to our research and interviews. And most of the complaints are about men, which makes sense. Men don’t have the hardware to relate. But it doesn’t mean they can’t learn.
To keep your tongue under control, think of the clit like a kitten’s nose. How hard would you touch it or press it before the kitten would bat you away? That’s about how much power you should exert on the clitoris.
And it doesn’t just apply to the clit. Be gentle with the vagina, and don’t act like you’re racing to the finish.
Start with light vertical licks from top to bottom. Use your tongue to arouse her, but make sure to focus on broad, consistent strokes. Avoid jabbing your tongue or fingers inside her.
5. Know her Erogenous Zones
Now that you’re in a good, slow, consistent groove down there, it’s time to work on those magical parts of her body that will turn her pleasure up to 11.
These are the erogenous zones or the parts of the body that turn her on when touched. Knowing the erogenous zones is like having a roadmap to pleasure town. Without them, you’ll be fumbling in the dark—and she’ll notice.
There are 2 types of erogenous zones you need to know to master the art of cunnilingus. The first is her non-vaginal erogenous zones. These include:
- Her mouth
- Her ears
- The nape of her neck
- The back of her neck
- Her breasts and nipples
- Her inner thighs
It would be best if you use your hands to explore these erogenous zones while you’re going down on her. This will increase her pleasure and throw some variety into the mix.
The second type of erogenous zones is the ones in and around her vagina. These include:
- The pubic mound
- The clitoris
- The G-spot
- The A-spot
- The O-spot
- The V-spot
The clitoris is the star of the show when it comes to cunnilingus, but it’s worth giving some attention to a few other zones. The ones you’ll have easy access to are the G-spot, V-spot, and pubic mound.
The pubic mound is the area just above the vagina, and this can be massaged like the other erogenous zones on her body.
The G-spot is located about 1 inch inside the vagina on the upper interior wall. It can be stimulated with a finger or a toy (more on this in the next tip).
The V-spot is a gathering of nerve endings past the labia minora at the entrance of the vaginal canal. Stimulate this spot by licking the vagina from top to bottom and penetrating slightly with your tongue.
Remember to be gentle and move slowly!
6. Use Fingers or Toys
Women have many erogenous zones, which means that they can reach orgasm in many different ways. For example, she can have a G-spot orgasm, a clitoral orgasm, an O-spot orgasm, etc.
Some women can have orgasms from stimulation of non-vaginal erogenous zones, too, like the nipples.
Women generally find cunnilingus more pleasurable when multiple zones are stimulated at once. To double or triple the fun, you’ll need to use your fingers or a toy to stimulate multiple zones.
ATTN: This is the key to becoming a next-level cunnilingus master. Most women will have more powerful orgasms when multiple zones are stimulated the right way.
Here's how to use fingers or toys during cunnilingus:
G-spot finger...
This is the tried and true method for powerful orgasms.
While giving consistent attention to the clit with your tongue, slip a finger about an inch inside her and make the “come here” motion.
Next, you should aim for a rough, spongy patch on the upper wall of her vagina. This is the G-spot.
Work the clit and G-spot in a consistent rhythm, and she will soon leave planet Earth. If your finger gets tired, switch to a vibrating finger massager vibrator like the Be One Vibrator from Fun Factory:
Vibrator on the clit or nipples:
Studies have found that the clit and nipples are the most sensitive to vibration.
Use a clitoral vibrator to stimulate these areas while you work your tongue on the clit and V-spot
VeDO WINI Mini Vibrator Wand - Purple
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Dildo for deep penetration:
If she loves deeper penetration, it means she gets off from A-spot or O-spot stimulation. Use a dildo to penetrate deeper and reach these erogenous zones. A dildo can be especially helpful in same-sex relationships.
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Anal play:
The O-spot and A-spot can also be stimulated via anal penetration. She may prefer this to vaginal penetration during the cunnilingus.
Use a butt plug or similar anal sex toy to penetrate her. Be sure to use a finger condom if you decide to go in with your hands.
7. Follow her Movements
Becoming a cunnilingus master isn’t about developing your “secret” method. It’s about learning hers.
Every woman is different, and if you pay attention to her body, you’ll soon learn the best way to take her to the moon and back.
So when you’re going down on her, please pay attention to her movements.
What is she doing with her hips, legs, arms, and back? What does this tell you about what she wants? For example, if she pushes her hips up (or pushes your head down), she may want you to apply a bit more pressure or go harder.
If she retracts her hips, you might be stimulating the clit too much, or she might be directing your tongue downward.
If she arches her back, she loves it. This doesn’t mean to go harder or faster; it means to keep doing exactly what you're doing.
This is also true if she puts her arms up near her face or head.
If you pay attention to how your partner moves during cunnilingus, you’ll soon learn to decipher these sensual signals and give her exactly what she wants.
8. Stay the Course
As your partner approaches orgasm, do not change anything.
You may get excited as she starts to lose control, or you might want to give her a “grand finale” by going harder or faster. DO NOT do this.
For most women, consistency is key. If what you’re doing is working, stick with it.
As her intensity rises, stay deliberate and methodical with your approach. This will bring her to a climax.
Changing your rhythm at the last minute can cause her pleasure train to derail and prevent her from orgasming.
9. Cuddle Up
Congratulations. You’ve just given her an out-of-body-experience orgasm, and she’s collapsed on the bed in disbelief. But your work isn’t over yet. So crawl up the sheets and join her for a cuddle.
Studies have found that cuddling post-orgasm strengthens bonds in your relationship and improves intimacy.
It also improves sexual satisfaction, which means cuddling will actually make you a better lover.
Hold Your Tongue: Do You Need a Dental Dam?
Dental dams are famous for being prophylactic which no one uses. But if you’re planning to go downtown with a new partner or on a one-night stand, you should consider using one.
A dental dam is a thin plastic film that you place over the vagina or anus before the fun begins. It will protect you and your partner from STIs that are transmittable from oral sex, such as:
- Gonorrhea
- Chlamydia
- HIV
- Hepatitis
- Syphilis
When engaging in cunnilingus with unknown partners, it’s important to take every precaution. It will ensure your safety and make sex carefree and fun.
You won’t find dental dams in most stores, so your best bet is to buy dental dams online.
Top 5 Adult Toys to Spice up Cunnilingus
Toys will allow you to stimulate multiple erogenous zones during cunnilingus. This is the most important factor in delivering explosive orgasms and mastering your downtown game.
Here are the toys that the women we interviewed have used (and never forgotten).
1. Curve Gossip Diana G-Spot Vibrator
Curve Gossip 'Diana' Rabbit Vibrator - Violet
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$35.99
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For many women, the most powerful orgasm they can have is the clit and G-spot combo. Cunnilingus plus a toy is the best way to help her get there.
The Curve Gossip Diana is made for G-spot stimulation. It features a curved and tapered head that automatically rubs her in the right spot upon insertion.
The thick head will also stimulate the nerve endings in the V-spot as it rubs the entrance of the vagina.
This is an amazing toy to introduce once you’ve already given some attention to the clit and want to take things to the next level.
2. LELO SONA 2 Cruise Clitoral Massager
LELO SONA 2 Cruise Sonic Clitoral Massager - Black
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LELO SONA 2 Cruise Sona 2 Cruise is a pleasure toy that combines all the best features of LELO's technology, innovation, and pleasure-making. This is a sonic massager that stimulates 75% more of the user's clitoris and not only on… Read More
The LELO SONA Black Sonic Clitoral Massager is a vibrator with an ergonomic hand-held design.
It’s not meant for penetration but use on her clit or other erogenous zones.
This is a convenient sex toy to use during cunnilingus because its ergonomic curves make it easy to hold. You can move it all over her body, giving attention to her nipples and inner thighs or teasing her clit.
You won't have to worry about wapping her with a vibrating dildo or losing your grip.
3. Spiral Staircase Glass Dildo
Gläs Spiral Staircase Full Tip G-Spot Glass Dildo
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This Glass Dildo is dual-sided, making it perfect for vaginal and anal play during cunnilingus.
One side features a rosebud head for easy anal insertion and spiral ribbing for extra sensation.
The other end is topped with a spherical glass orb for G-spot stimulation inside the vagina. This end is also textured with bumps to maximize V-spot sensation.
This dildo is recommended for women who like a bit more versatility during cunnilingus. Glass products are also ideal for women with sensitive skin.
4. Trojan Vibrations Personal Bullet Massager
Trojan Vibrations - Personal Bullet Massager
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Trojan Vibrations Bullet Personal Massager Trojan Vibrations Bullet Personal Massager gives you multi-speed vibrations that let you vary the speed and explore. Trojan's most powerful vibrator has four variable speeds: low, medium, high, and ultra. This personal massager… Read More
A bullet massager is an easy and affordable way to maximize clit stimulation during cunnilingus.
The Trojan Vibrations Personal Bullet Massager is a premium bullet vibrator with 4 different vibration speeds and remote control.
You can use a bullet to stimulate the clit or tease the nipples while you lick the vagina. This innovative Trojan bullet ups the game with many more possibilities.
The different speed settings are ideal for teasing by ramping up the intensity and bringing it back down.
In addition, the remote control adds a lot of creativity to the act. For example, she can hold the remote while you rub her clit with the bullet or vice versa.
5. Satisfyer Pro 2 Clitoris Stimulator
Satisfyer Pro 2 Air Pulse Clitoral Stimulator
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The Satisfyer Pro 2 Clitoris Stimulator is air-powered. It pulses air using pressure-wave technology to create vibration and suction sensations.
With 11 intensity settings, this toy allows for more variety than vibrators. It also provides an entirely new type of pleasure.
The silicone ring pulse generator is made to fit the clitoris within it. So instead of just pressing the clit, the Satisfyer Pro 2 surrounds it with 360˚ gentle stimulation.
The hand-held design and easy grip make it perfect for use during cunnilingus. In addition, we recommend it for women who need exact and consistent stimulation to climax.