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An increasing number of men are reporting having trouble reaching climax, often referred to as delayed ejaculation or DE. Some men can only reach orgasm during masturbation, while others cannot reach climax at all. For both partners, this can be a confusing and difficult situation.
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Women feel insecure about their desirability and may doubt their sexual skill; men feel helpless, hopeless and extremely frustrated
The fact is that most men with DE have no trouble getting, or keeping their erection, the issue is simply their inability to climax easily. In part, this may be due to low levels of sexual arousal. Simply because a man is erect, does not necessarily mean he is sexually aroused.
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Put Masturbation on the Backburner
As men age, most will experience an increase in the time that it takes to reach ejaculation, as well as an increase in the duration between erections. If you are experiencing delayed ejaculation during sex with your partner, but masturbating regularly with no issue, it’s time to put masturbation on the backburner. Once you take a break, see if that impacts your ability to reach climax during sex.
Get your Doctor’s A-Okay
If you’re experiencing changes in your sexual health, it’s important to speak with your doctor. DE could be a side effect of medication, such as alpha-blockers or antidepressants.
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Turn off the Porn
Not only does porn create unrealistic expectations for sex, but it’s also a major factor in sexual anxiety for men. Fear of inadequacy, body image issues and concerns about ‘measuring up to the competition’ can all be factors in inhibit a man’s ability to perform.
As we outlined in the intro, delayed ejaculation is frustrating for both partners and can cause a lot of anxiety. This is where communication, compassion and reassurance become extremely important. Reassure your partner that you find her attractive. Share your sexual fantasies that leave you feeling highly aroused.
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Talk openly about each other’s fears and frustrations in order to give the situation some perspective; this should allow you both to be more understanding of each other’s feelings, and eliminate some of the negativity surrounding the situation.
Focus on the Foreplay
Most men with ejaculation problems are still able to reach orgasm through masturbation. A good place to begin is to incorporate elements of foreplay and masturbation into your sexy session with your partner, while you work up to climaxing on penetration. If you are both comfortable, explore mutual masturbation. If you need to work up to that, start by masturbating under the sheets while your partner kisses and caresses you.
Incorporate elements of the fantasies you shared when communicating with your partner. Eventually, you should be able to reach intense arousal through foreplay and masturbation then you can penetrate your partner just before ejaculation.
Embrace Doggy Style
Doggy style is one position that allows for a deeper penetration, and heightened sensitivity, making it more likely that a man will climax. Alternatively, you can achieve a similar sensation with a slightly more intimate position, if you and your partner lie on your sides as you penetrate from behind.
The most important thing to remember when having trouble reaching climax is to stay calm. Although it’s natural to feel frustrated, it won’t help the situation at hand. Keep a cool head and focus on what makes you feel aroused, without shutting out your partner. You’re in this together, and mutual love, support and understand will go a long way.