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Are Lesbian Sex Toys Actually a Thing?
 
Dec 15, 2017
Are Lesbian Sex Toys Actually a Thing?

Working in sexuality education, I’m not one for labeling. Gender and sexual orientation exist on a spectrum. Over the years, I’ve learned that the identity, label or terminology that work for that person, might not work for the next. Even the term “lesbian” doesn’t fit for all women who have sex with other women. Especially in the younger generations, we’re seeing more terms like rainbow sexual, queer, and fluid. As such, my general philosophy these days– you do you!

 

And yet, with all my careful attempts to be inclusive, I was still recently schooled by a good friend of mine (someone in her 30s who does identify as a lesbian). Over beers, we were talking about sex toys and the topic of “lesbian sex toys” came up. “That’s not a thing,” I argued! There is no such thing as a “lesbian sex toy” because all toys should be free to be used by all bodies and all sexualities. Toy equality for all!

 

That’s all fine and good, she righteously argued back, but what about the unique needs of lesbian couples in a market dominated by heterosexuality? For years, the needs of queer couples haven’t been met by the general sex toy market. The overall feeling has been– if it’s good enough for heterosexual sex, people having other types of sex will figure it out. It’s only relatively recently that sex toys made by women, for women have hit the shelves.  It’s those toys, she argued, those that have been made with female anatomy and the unique needs of lesbian couples in mind that she would label as absolutely “lesbian sex toys”.

 

I conceded.

 

I know a fair argument when I hear one! But that wasn’t the end of the conversation for me. As an inherent researcher and with a curiosity about sex that cannot be quelled, I turned to my personal sex library, my sex educator community, and the vast internet. Lesbian sex toys are absolutely a thing and here’s why. 

Non-Realistic Toys: Listen, I know men love their penises. A lot of us love penises (regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity). That doesn’t necessarily mean we all want our sex toys to look like penises. In fact, I personally would rather that they didn’t and I identify as a straight woman. This is apparently a desire held by many women, particularly those who don’t want penises to be part of their sex lives at all. The reality is, however, that most toy manufacturers are men who think that everyone loves a penis and much as they do. “Most” being the keyword here because over the last decade or so more and more female owned toy manufacturers have come onto the market. They inherently understand that just because someone wants to be penetrated doesn’t mean that the thing needs to have balls and veins on it. Other manufacturers have taken note and the non-realistic, non-phallic dildo is becoming more and more popular. Do a Google search for “non-realistic sex toys” and a plethora of lesbian friendly options will be at your fingertips. Some manufacturers have even taken it a step further. By considering lesbian specific sex, there are now dildos available made for harnesses that include a clitoral bumper on the wearer’s side. Traditionally harness compatible dildos were made with only the person being penetrated in mind. This meant that taking turns to have an orgasm was the name of the game. Sex toys that specifically consider that two vagina-owners may be banging has changed the game and allows for the possibility of simultaneous orgasm, or at least simultaneous pleasure. 

Baby-Making Toys: Or I should say “toy” (no “s”) because I could only find one. This toy, called the Semenette, is hands-down a capitol-L, Lesbian sex toy. Well, that or a capitol-T, Trans sex toy if you’re a trans man who wants to knock your lady up! Or actually, it’s also a toy that can be used by men experiencing sexual dysfunction. In any case, this is not a toy that spans the market like most sex toys do. Here’s the deal, the Semenette is an ejaculating dildo with an attached pump that delivers semen into the vagina just like a real-life penis. It can even be used with a harness. Created by a lesbian woman who was trying to conceive with her wife using a turkey baster, she became demoralized and figured there must be a better way. This little number would definitely be on my friend’s list of “lesbian sex toys”.

Are Lesbian Sex Toys Actually a Thing?

On the other hand who are we to say what someone’s fantasies are. As the maker of this toy notes, if you’re not putting actual semen inside the Semenette, you can use any body safe ingredients you’d like to. For some people, that’s lube, for other’s it could be homemade semen (apparently there are a lot of online videos...). Just make sure that what you’re putting in your body is safe for your body. Other than that, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… you do you! 

Double Sided Dildos:Ahhhh the star of many-a-“lesbian” porn flick. Don’t get me started on “lesbians” in pornography. This was one toy that I specifically argued with my friend about. Double-sided dildos have always been a toy that I assumed was not actually something that real lesbian couples use. Why was I, a straight woman, arguing with my lesbian friend about what toys lesbians actually use like I know a thing? Good question. Chock it up to my Leo star sign. Over confidence and bull-headedness aside, double-sided dildos, I was assured, are indeed used in lesbian sex. Especially when they are made with a woman’s anatomy in mind. Certainly there are *way too many* double-sided dildos that have been dreamed up and created in the minds of men (remember that scene from Requiem for a Dream?), but there are a solid few that are made for real pleasure. One side will be bulbous and meant to be worn vaginally. The person “wearing it” will penetrate their partner with the other end. If one’s pelvic muscles aren’t up to the task, these models can often be worn with a harness as well. 

Are Lesbian Sex Toys Actually a Thing?
Are Lesbian Sex Toys Actually a Thing?

Finger extenders: Speaking of finger extenders in an interview with Go Magazine, Alice Derock, the creator and designer of lesbian sex toys, had this to say – “The idea was to take something specifically lesbian, something that lesbians do — like penetrate with fingers as a tool — and stylize it and make it elegant and useful, and symbolic.” Welp, it doesn’t get more “lesbian sex toy” than that. Finger extenders allow the wearer to reach deeper into their partner while finger fucking. Moving away from the idea that “sex” can only happen with penis shaped penetration, this toy highlights the myriad ways that sex can happen. While finger extenders can of course be used by couples of any orientation, it’s nice for lesbian couples to know that some toys have been designed with their “type of sex” in mind.

Strap ons: What’s more lesbian that the image of straps, a dildo, and your lady-love (or one night stand…no judgments on flings or anonymous sex) splayed out in front of you? These days, each of the parts of a strap-on (harness and dildo) come in more shapes and sizes than ever before with all sorts of bodies and identities in mind. As we talked about previously, you can find dildos designed to pleasure both partners at the same time. You can also find them in a variety of materials, shapes, sizes and levels of “realisitic-ness” – whatever suits your tastes! There are also a number of harness types as well – jock style, thong style and underwear style. Some have many straps, others don’t have any of that to mess with. Some have rings and buckles, others are smooth and pull on like underwear. Some are made from leather, others are made from synthetic materials or cotton. Whatever your flavor, strap-ons are something that lesbians are definitely using for playing with penetrative pleasure. Beyond that, ever heard of a “fauxjob”? It’s a blowjob on a dildo. Talk about playing with gender roles! The friend I mentioned before shared that she loves wearing “her cock” (hers is smooth, rainbow colored silicone) and having her girlfriend suck her off while playing with her genitals. Another solid addition to our list of lesbian sex toys.

 

So, while all of these toys can be used (and are being used) by couples of every orientation, it’s important that there is a space for these toys to be allowed the “lesbian sex toy” label. That label allows for lesbian sex to be seen, heard and validated. It fosters creativity and modernization in the sex toy market. And let’s be honest, we all benefit when we step outside the rigid box of what sex “should” look like according to a boring few.

 

Here’s to pleasure, orgasms and innovation!