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There are all kinds of jokes and anecdotes about losing your load before you’re ready to donate it, but not being able to control when you are firing your gun can be embarrassing. Some of the reasons for discharging your weapon before you planned might be:
Too much touching, petting, or anticipation happening before the big moment.
It could be that you are simply nervous about being with your new-found love; not nervous like going to a new school, but nervous like not knowing the way the other person ticks.
You could have performance issues, like erectile dysfunction, and leak prematurely.
You could be embarrassed about your penis size. Maybe you have been comparing yourself to porn stars who can compete with ponies for cock size. Learn how to properly measure your member before you think less of yourself. Check out this blog posting from Condomania.com, How to Measure Your Penis Size.
Your reason could be that you have a member that needs less stimulation to become erect and therefore less stimulation to ejaculate.
Your partner might remind you of a previous lover and so you project your feelings about them onto your new love. This can cause you to ejaculate too quickly-- I know because it happened to me two years ago. (My editor is my girlfriend who I have been with for one year and I wanted to be clear on that part.)
You might be making out and hear a song or hear your partner say something that reminds you of a time, and you shoot your load.
You might include porn in your love-making session and get too hot too fast.
But these reasons are really able to be overcome by your mindset. The underlying cause of your problem might very well be that you lack self-confidence and your partner doesn’t help you with that issue.
There are two issues here. Let’s look at the easier one first-- change out your partner. You need to be with someone who adores you. You need to be with someone who doesn’t need to tear you down so they feel better about themselves. And they need the same thing. There is not any benefit to your psyche to be with someone who does not think you hung the moon. And you should believe that your partner hung the moon, too. It doesn’t matter who you love, as long as they love you back the same way. If your partner and you are both hurting each other because you are both jerks to each other, then you both suck.
Here is the real issue: You have to like yourself. You have to realize that it is okay to be super-excited and ejaculate before you mean to. It is not always the most fun feeling, but at least you are with someone you want to be with when it happens. If you do not like yourself, then it does not really matter how you perform in the bedroom, because you won’t be able to believe that your partner actually cares about you or values you for the awesome person you are.
You might have a lot of baggage from your past that you are carrying around and the only person who can take care of that baggage is you. The baggage you have must be dealt with before you can like yourself for who you are. You must look at yourself and say, “This is who I am, and I might not understand why I went through the crap I went through, but I did survive. I am a person who is measured by more than my penis and I can deal with what I have.”
Then you can find someone who values you for the person you are. Remember that you don’t have to take on their baggage either. Just because they like you and you like them doesn’t mean that they are the best match for you.
In addition to figuring out who you are, learn about who they are. Every sexual experience does not have to be a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am experience. Let a normal love relationship develop and see where it leads. More than likely, it is going to lead to sex. Take your time and appreciate your chosen partner for who they are, rather than what they can do for you. Learn what makes them tick and how you can fit the best, so that you know what your partner’s likes and dislikes are. If a sexual relationship develops, then learn to understand what their body needs and fulfill that need. As you learn more about them, presumably, they will learn more about you.
When you focus on your partner, they will return that focus. If they don’t figure that out, then maybe they are not the partner that you need-- you deserve to have someone who gives you as much attention as you give them. The more familiar you are with your lover, the less likely you are to worry about your sexual performance and the more you will worry about your partner’s satisfaction.
When it comes to your partner’s satisfaction, you can use condoms with sensation-numbing fluid in them. The Trojan Extended Pleasure Climax Control Condom helps men deter ejaculating before they want to, and help the man extend their length of time as a lovemaker through the use of benzocaine (4%), which is a numbing agent that reduces the sensation you have in the head of your penis.
The Durex Performax Intense is another brand for the same type of product. It has a 5% benzocaine lubricant in it, which also purposely slows your ejaculation. The Durex Performax Intense has more numbing creme in it, and will probably give you a longer-lasting love-making session.
Another way to make your love-making session a better time for both partners is to use a personal lubricant. If you are performing oral sex on her or him, then consider Astroglide Sensual Strawberry Lubricant, which has a pleasant taste of strawberries and it is a lubricant, too. A different personal lubricant, Pjur Original Bodyglide 250ML can be used for digital stimulation of your partner, also known as a “hand-job” on a guy or “fingering” for stimulation of the female’s clitoris and vagina.
Ultimately, you must be happy with yourself before you can be the best partner for your partner. When you think good things about yourself, then you will probably believe that your partner believes good things about you, too. Bringing lubricants and condoms into the bedroom will simply amplify the experience, rather than be a necessary part of the love-making session.
A side note: There are many brands of condoms and lubricants you can buy, however, you should trust the brand-names because of their time-tested quality. This is not like buying store-label green beans, or generic laundry detergent. This is about your partner’s pleasure and about your interaction with them. Don’t let the wrong brand of condom or lubricant become a factor in your relationship. Relationships are hard enough without allowing something of lesser quality to become a barrier to your successful lovemaking.